Coming out as Transgender
Transgender is a term used to describe a broad range of people who experience and/or express their gender somewhat differently from what most people expect. It is an overarching term that includes those expressing gender characteristics that don’t correspond with characteristics traditionally ascribed to the person’s sex or presumed sex, including transsexuals (the medical term describing people whose gender and sex do not line up and who often seek medical treatment to bring their bodies and gender identities into alignment) and cross-dressers (those who identify with their biological gender but sometimes dress in the clothing of the opposite gender).
Some people use the term transgender to identify themselves because they have strong feelings about both genders and aren’t comfortable identifying as exclusively male or female. Some transgender people define themselves as female-to-male or male-to-female transsexuals, and may take hormones prescribed by a doctor and/or undergo medical procedures, including sex reassignment surgery. Others prefer to simply be called male or female — the gender that they present to others, whether they have undergone medical changes or not.
“I am comfortable knowing that I am transgender, and while I’ve not begun to transition, some day I might decide that is the right path for me,” says Tomas Moore, female-to-male transgender.
Wherever one is on the transgender spectrum, coming out can be frightening, challenging and sometimes dangerous. But it can also be rewarding, affirming and cathartic. The important thing is to be honest with yourself, and — when you are ready — to be honest with others about who you are.
Transgender people often say that they are trapped in the wrong body — they were born one sex but feel more like another. Health care professionals often describe this as “gender dysphoria,” literally, feeling confusion about one’s gender.
This can be very frightening — so much so that you may deny your feelings. Soon, though, the feelings arise again. You may try to put them out of your mind, but you can’t. Finally, you stop resisting, and in that instant your world changes. You discover that being true to yourself feels better, more natural, than denying your true self ever did.
From birth, most of us have been taught to think of ourselves as the gender that corresponds with our biological sex. Society strongly discourages us from identifying more with another gender. As a result, many of us are surprised and confused when it happens.
The process of coming out as transgender begins as you learn more about your true self and become comfortable with your own gender identity. It can be a confusing and frustrating time because there’s a lot of pressure from society, culture and family to adhere to traditional definitions of gender. Being transgender, however, is merely a way to express who you are, and the challenge is to accept this part of yourself.
For those who are transgender, coming out means acknowledging their gender identity — the internal sense of being male or female — and then determining how to express that identity. Transgender people must also decide when and how to share with others the way they understand their gender.
Some transgender people know from an early age that they cannot live as the sex they were assigned at birth and find ways to express their conflicting gender identity. Many others, however, struggle to adhere to expected gender roles well into their adult and sometimes senior years. Whenever or however a person comes out, it is important to remember that gender can vary and many people don’t fit neatly into one narrow definition.
Figuring out who you are can be very difficult — and it can take time. Remember, however, that most of the negative stereotypes of transgender people you may have heard are based on erroneous or inadequate information. And what you need are facts.
Those who express a transgender identity while young face some unique challenges. As minors, young transgender people are likely to be at the will of their parents or primary caregivers, who do not always understand their experiences. They may sometimes seek out professionals who turn out to be misinformed and actively seek to “repair” or “reform” their children — forcing them to adhere to gender norms and often causing much harm in the process.
Because of this possibility, many young transgender people choose not to risk coming out and instead conceal their gender issues as long as they can. For some, this revelation happens when the need to express their gender according to their internal sense of self grows too strong to suppress. For others, it occurs at puberty, when the natural onset of hormones results in even more noticeable reminders that the transgender person’s body does not match his or her gender identity.
